Blue Anesthesia Read online

  Axel opened his eyes.

  In the dark room, the light acted as a spotlight, circling a perimeter around Axel and the figure in front of him. Beyond the perimeter, darkness still surrounded them. With extreme caution, holding his breath, Axel looked up at the figure. The man who called himself Chris Michael stood before him, wearing all blue. He had blue surgical gloves on, and a blue surgical mask covered half of his face. The upper ridge of his nose, along with his blue eyes and eyebrows, still showed. He stared down at Axel in judgment. He grabbed the bottom of his left surgical glove, pulling it, echoing another loud snap.

  “I’m Humphrey Windrill. I would shake your hand, but you’re in a bit of a rough spot there, crabby.”

  Axel said nothing.

  Humphrey scooted to the side with dramatic effect, both arms pointing toward the wagon. It was decked out with metal surgical trays, catching the reflection of the light. With black curiosity, Axel followed every item on the surgical trays. He couldn’t name any of these items, but he knew that they were a dentist’s tools. Well, except for a few, like the toothbrush with thick needles on it. And, of course, the jar of beetles was a little out of place.

  “Beautiful, isn’t it?” Humphrey asked. “You know, it’s amazing how we never give credit to the tools we use to fix things. When we repair something, for example, we give full credit to ourselves, instead of the tools at our disposal. Humans are strange, wouldn’t you say?”

  Axel summoned all of his courage. “Yeah, you bet.” The words felt heavy as they left his mouth. “Did you put me here?” He avoided eye contact, not daring to see if the question would arouse Humphrey.

  “That would be me, yes.”

  Axel’s face turned moist. His emotions became apparent as they squeezed out of his nose and eyes in watery goo. “Why?”

  “I want you here. You have something that I need.”

  Axel looked at Humphrey, his face now a glittery heaven as light reflected off his facial fluid. In his emotional state, he couldn’t bear to express himself any further in words. But his face still portrayed morbid curiosity, and Humphrey noticed. In a panic, Humphrey grabbed a plastic cup. He placed it beneath Axel’s eyes to catch his tears. The plastic cup was blue.

  “Don’t look at me like that. You have what every human is searching for, consciously or unconsciously. You have it. And now I have you.”

  Axel’s glistening face recoiled in shock and bewilderment. His facial muscles expressed confusion, a giant question mark. Humphrey turned toward the surgical trays, and something told Axel that Humphrey grinned beneath his surgical mask. As Humphrey’s fingers hopped between each tool in a smooth motion, he started talking.

  “An idea,” he said with a mix of a whisper and a regular tone. “Golden ideas; ideas that are so powerful that I call them The Valuables, can change any life in a matter of seconds, drowning harm with rich flavor. One glance can cause them to grow, and whatever causes that glance, is within you. More specifically, it lies within one of your teeth.” Humphrey’s fingers stopped dead at the jar of beetles. His voice turned into a complete whisper.

  “Your teeth are so white, so mean. They hide their true intentions, as all white does. The white in the eyes of a charming manipulator does not give away a lie. You’re hiding The Valuables inside of your teeth. I just know it.”

  He laughed. “You said so yourself, crabby. When you were in another state of mind, a state that was reset, one slipped away from your conscious rules; when you were in a reality where every thought is put into words, the secret which you had held inside for so long finally came out.”

  Humphrey faced Axel. His surgical mask curved slightly upward, mirroring his mouth behind it. Axel knew for sure that Humphrey smiled. “And I caught it,” Humphrey whispered, hissing a laugh.

  Fresh tears carried dry ones to the bottom of Axel’s face, bonding at his jaw, and then dropped. Humphrey once again moved in to catch them. Axel slid his tongue in the space of his missing tooth, and unintentionally gave a slow nod. Overwhelming madness surrounded him, and he didn’t know how to process it. None of his thoughts connected; they twirled around each other in knots. He grew frustrated. He decided to let it out in the most popular way: communication.

  “Please,” he said, trying not to sound desperate. “My family is waiting for me. I have to—“

  “My mom is waiting for me, too. People wait, crabby. Let them wait. They’re used to waiting. Isn’t that all life is about when it comes down to the wire? People wait for events after events. That doesn’t mean that we should stop what we’re doing in their favor. Sometimes we have to think about ourselves, wouldn’t you say?”

  Axel laughed, amazed. What Humphrey said wasn’t comical, but his line of thinking was just so surreal. Axel couldn’t believe what he was hearing. His only reaction was to laugh.

  “And would you look at that?” Humphrey said with a smile, standing confidently. “We’re even having a good time here! Nothing should interrupt a good time.”

  Axel swallowed his laugh with a cough. Humphrey said nothing. Silence crept back into the room. Humphrey lowered his head, inches away from the jar of beetles. He faced them and made kissing sounds. Axel started talking again because of the discomfort.

  “Why did you say that your name was Chris Michael? And you seem awfully social now; was it all just an act?”

  Humphrey met Axel’s eyes. His lips were still puffed inside of the surgical mask, which he now pointed at. “I can talk because of this. My face is hidden, and I feel safe, protected. Without any sort of cover, I feel lost and naked—always have. When I was younger, I talked to my mother from beneath my blanket. It was easier to communicate when my body was sheltered. And, about Chris Michael; he’s a colleague of mine.”

  “But why did you say that you were him?”

  “Fear makes us unstable, crabby. I knew that Chris had an open appointment today, and I put your name there. Receptionists usually book the appointments, but we dentists never question our appointments and why we were given work. I knew that they wouldn’t suspect a thing. I also knew that Chris would call you about the appointment, which would make you unstable. You’d be easy to put down before you started asking questions about the road or where we were headed.”

  Axel felt a lump in his throat. Before his gut managed to tell him otherwise, he decided to ask something; like a man who pulled the trigger of a gun before asking himself why he would do such a thing and weigh the consequences. Axel shot the question out of his mouth.

  “How did you even become a dentist?”

  Humphrey’s eyes breathed in their sockets. Their stare turned narrow—two judging lasers. He breathed through his nostrils, loud and fast. Humphrey took a step forward. Axel knew that he had to think of something, fast. With his head drawn back in unease, he started talking.

  “I’m just curious because I hear that it’s not an easy thing to do and I want to know how you managed to pull off such an impressive thing.”

  Through the surgical mask, Humphrey’s dimples showed. He seemed to appreciate what Axel had said as if the man he had chained to a chair in a dark room was his friend. Humphrey adjusted the collar of his blue uniform.

  “Well,” he began. “People can’t talk much when you have your hands in their mouth, wouldn’t you say? And I like silence. I’m not big on social interaction. I also get to wear a mask, so in case I have to be social, I can. But you’re right; it’s not an easy education. In class, I built fortresses made out of textbooks to cover my face when I was required to talk. I had to see this—uh—this therapist at the time of my education, because at the time I was a trainee, without any mask. It felt impossible to talk.

  “My teacher was kind enough to write down mandatory words for the course, and for the job as a dentist. My therapist and I studied the words together. Without any cover on my face, I’m able to speak certain words and sentences; most of them my therapist programmed into my head. We also studied basic words, such as: ‘yes,’ and �
�no,’ for purposes outside of work. At first, learning how to communicate was very tough, but eventually, certain words became second nature. It’s like moving a part of my body; I just do it without thinking about it.”

  Axel took a deep breath and formed words in his head. He structured them carefully to avoid sparking Humphrey’s fuse. Finally, he felt ready to ask the question of the hour.

  “What are you planning to do with me?”

  Axel looked up at Humphrey, who stood tall over his seated prey. Humphrey met Axel’s glare, and eye contact remained. Axel felt his eyes start to twitch in their sockets. There was nothing scary about Humphrey’s blue eyes, and perhaps that was the most frightening thing. Axel had suspected some kind of black void, absent of life and emotion. At least then, he would have an idea of what he was dealing with. At least then, he could tell himself that his suspicions were true, and he wouldn’t feel as powerless and confused as he did now.

  Humphrey’s eyes resembled average eyes. When he smiled beneath his mask, the bags beneath his eyes would wrinkle into an odd smile of their own. They even looked cheerful, to an extent, as if nothing about this situation bothered him. Humphrey seemed lost in their visual contact. For minutes, he stood there, not moving. His chest moved up and down with every breath. His mask caught every inhale and exhale, flapping its rubbery texture, a kite caught in the summer wind. He looked like a man who had fallen asleep with his eyes open.

  With one long, deep inhale of air, Humphrey’s head bobbed and he returned from whatever thoughts that had kept him busy. Axel tried to speculate about what Humphrey had been thinking about but quickly reversed from the looming shadows of that thought. If he dwelled into that kind of mental lane, it would keep him awake for the rest of his life; even to the point where a simple blink with minimum darkness would be terrifying.

  “You’ll see,” Humphrey said. “Close your eyes.”

  In no position to argue, and hating himself for it, Axel closed his eyes. Instinct made him pull his head backward in sets of flinches. He feared that Humphrey would make this darkness permanent.

  Axel heard something being fiddled with.

  This is it, he thought in a voice so calm that it became unsettling. I’m so sorry, everyone.

  “Open,” Humphrey whispered. The whisper tickled Axel’s inner drums with an arctic feather. Axel opened his eyes, slowly, feeling his eyelids tremor with fear.

  What in the name of—

  Humphrey held a sandwich, and a bottle of water. “It’s a special recipe. It has mayo. Eat up, crabby.”

  A brush of bizarre relief swept Axel. With it, Axel came up with a plan. “I can’t eat that with my hands behind my back. Why don’t you unlock these chains and we’ll have a friendly meal?”

  Humphrey favored a small smile, barely noticeable through his mask. Axel couldn’t tell if he had won him over or not. “That won’t be necessary,” Humphrey replied. “I’m going to feed it to you. Don’t worry; these gloves are new.”

  Yeah, like that’s the biggest of my worries right now.

  Axel opened his mouth, fearing for what would happen if he declined. Hey, he told himself. If the sandwich is toxic, then at least I’ll die and be out of this mess.

  Stop thinking like that, Axel. Think about your family.

  The word family looped in his mind. He saw their faces. He recalled their voices, heard them say his name. He heard them laugh. Susanne spoke to him.

  “All I want to say is that I’m here for you, okay? You can call anytime. You can even come over if you want. We don’t have to—“

  The sound of an approaching engine interrupted her voice. Humphrey piloted the sandwich around in circles, fluttering his lips, and even had the decency to throw in a few beeping sounds. Axel saw how spittle invaded the sandwich, expanding upon the dry surface.

  “Here comes the airplane!”

  Humphrey issued sounds of the plane breaking and shoved the sandwich into Axel’s mouth. Axel felt moisture on parts of the bread. He was ashamed to admit that in spite of that, the sandwich actually tasted pretty good.

  When Axel finished eating, Humphrey opened the bottled water. He threw the cap across the room. The echoes of the bounce were loud enough to be misinterpreted as footsteps. He started to pour water in a gentle manner inside of Axel’s mouth. To Axel’s surprise, Humphrey hadn’t made any boat sounds whilst pouring it. He remained quiet, concentrating on the stream of water, making sure that it was straight, and that no drop escaped.

  Every fiber in Axel’s body rejoiced at the first swallow of cold water. He hated how good it tasted—fresh, untouched snow. Worse, he hated how good it made him feel. Axel drank the entire bottle. As he picked up the last few drops on the outside of his lips with his tongue, he saw Humphrey with a hand behind his ear in a listening expression. Axel knew what he wanted. He bit down on his lip, growing even more hatred for himself. “Thank you,” Axel said in a low tone.

  Humphrey displayed his appreciation in another smile with deep dimples. “My pleasure,” he responded in an emotional voice and turned back to the wagon. With his fingers, he began to tap the jar of beetles. A few of them reached with their sharp, black legs, meeting the tip of Humphrey’s tapping fingers. Their underside, alive with movement, legs twitching in curious directions. “HELLOOOO,” Humphrey said in the same voice people use to talk to their dogs.

  “Have you ever heard of skin beetles?” Humphrey asked, still playing father to the beetles.

  Axel stumbled across his words in a nervous tongue. Humphrey took that as a no. “They eat flesh. More specifically, they eat dead flesh. I read somewhere that they cleaned an entire deer’s skull of meat in less than three days. Amazing, wouldn’t you say?”

  The nervous emotions, which clouded Axel’s already confused mind, slid down his head’s moist flesh, settling at his tongue, where he could taste them. They tasted like microwaved grapefruit. He became aware of his evolved fear and tried to counter it with humor. “I hope that the ones in front of you are vegetarian, then. I hear that’s a trend now.”

  Humphrey didn’t laugh. “These ones are hungry for flesh.” He picked up the jar, and spun it around in his grip. “They’re hungry for your flesh.”

  “So you’re going to kill me? They only eat dead flesh, right?”

  In insidious relief, Axel felt a prickle of calm. He started to phantom the reality of the situation. His fright now layered over any sense of survival. He didn’t want to be afraid anymore. Axel assumed that even if he had lived the best possible life, this evolved fear would make him want to leave it all behind in a matter of seconds. He wanted to escape this scenario in any way possible. Axel couldn’t kill himself, but Humphrey could kill him. And, right now, being murdered didn’t seem like such a terrible thing. It would lead to peace, no more fear.

  “Kill you?” Humphrey asked, surprised. “What kind of person do you take me for?”

  Oh, my bad. I’m sure you’re a great guy outside of your dark torture room.

  “You’re pretty dark for a comedian, crabby. I’m not going to kill you. I’m going to use this. Here, let me show you.” Humphrey rummaged through the tools. He grabbed something, which Axel couldn’t make out at first, and then he spun around, too excited to waste time. Humphrey held onto a small box, no bigger than his palm, decorated with a bowtie. He opened it, and it contained something thick and greasy. “This, crabby, is something that I made the other day. This wax will make the beetles think that your flesh is dead. An insect isn’t hard to trick, you know.”

  Axel went blank.

  “I see that you’re confused. That’s alright. Let me explain.” Humphrey cleared his throat with a fist pressed against his mouth. “I’ve already told you about The Valuables, that much you know. During this first attempt at gathering The Valuables, I’m nice enough to let you keep your teeth. I won’t just pull them out without trying another method first.”

  Axel’s mouth dropped.

  “So, here’s what I’m going to t
ry.” He reached behind him with awful hand coordination, running his hand through the tools until he gave up and looked behind him. He grabbed the toothbrush decorated with thick, small needles, holding it up like a trophy. “I will brush your gums with this. As I brush and go across your gums with these needles, I’ll press down hard. The needles will create holes large enough for these beetles to burrow through. Oh, and just a recommendation, if you get loose slabs of flesh from the gums in your mouth, just swallow them; it’ll make it easier for the beetles to traverse around your mouth.

  “The beetles will eat away at flesh behind your teeth, which I cannot reach. You’ll probably feel them crawl up and down around your nose, but that’s as far as they’ll go because the distance of the aroma from the wax doesn’t reach too far. When they’ve eaten all the tampered flesh, they’ll find their way out, and in comes inspector Humphrey!”

  He pulled a magnifying glass from his pocket and drew it in front of his right eye. “Whatever you do, don’t worry, okay? I’ll only put a small amount of wax on your gums. They won’t eat your face off. It won’t be fatal. When they come out, hopefully, they’ll be carrying The Valuables, and then it’s happy times!”

  Humphrey reached over and ruffled Axel’s hair. Axel’s head followed the circled movement without resistance. His stare turned blank. When Humphrey looked at it, he saw what Axel thought he would see when he first stared into Humphrey’s eyes. Axel’s eyes turned into Ping-Pong balls with a black dot in the middle of each one. They seemed as hollow as Ping-Ping balls, too, as if they contained no blood or water.

  Axel gave up. He went beneath the current of depression, which he had been victim to for the past few months. He welcomed the darkness at the bottom. What else could he do? He was chained to a chair, screwed into the ground. He supposed that he could try and move his torso and head around, avoiding the brush and the beetles, but how long would he be able to keep that up? How long until his neck would start to cramp? He was almost positive that if he did resist, Humphrey would apply more wax than intended out of rage. And even though Axel wanted to die, being consumed alive by insects was not the way he—or anyone else, for that matter—wanted to die. Maybe after this procedure, Humphrey would be kind enough to murder him, quickly. Axel doubted that Humphrey would let him stay alive. The first rule of any crime was always: leave no witnesses.